http://theartofsteering.wordpress.com/2012/07/16/coming-to-the-end/ Musings on life and leadership Tue, 07 May 2013 17:58:12 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.com/ http://theartofsteering.wordpress.com/2012/07/16/coming-to-the-end/#comment-818 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 16:17:22 +0000 http://theartofsteering.wordpress.com/?p=2086#comment-818 [...] lately I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just a happy person.  Apart from those times when I am so depressed what I can’t work out why I might get out of bed that day.  Extremes, [...]

]]> http://theartofsteering.wordpress.com/2012/07/16/coming-to-the-end/#comment-660 Sat, 25 Aug 2012 21:07:22 +0000 http://theartofsteering.wordpress.com/?p=2086#comment-660 Thank you so much for your honesty in sharing your heart. What you shared is precious and the act of sharing is not at all easy to do, I know! I have e-mailed you separately because I wanted to respond to this in a place I knew you would see and I was not sure whether you would check back here.

]]> http://theartofsteering.wordpress.com/2012/07/16/coming-to-the-end/#comment-635 Thu, 26 Jul 2012 20:59:58 +0000 http://theartofsteering.wordpress.com/?p=2086#comment-635 I’m glad that you can hold on to those promises and to your faith in the darkness. I couldn’t, it has gone on too long and the questions as to why became too big. It was too hard to fight to believe and to fight to live… so I left the questions behind and can no longer believe in the existence of a God that would consider a use in this, more than a decade of darkness. I feel at the end of myself, this time I don’t know if I can hold on tightly enough to keep pretending to everyone that all is well with my soul… it’s not. But when there’s nothing left to try, nothing more even a counsellor or doctor says they can do. My only choice is holding on or giving up. It scares me, real ‘breath stealing’ heart pumping fear, when I think that this might actually go on forever. it’s been a long time already, I am strong but not strong enough to face this as my future and my reality. Perhaps a belief in God would give me a ‘hope for the future’ or comfort that he ‘knows the plans for me’ but really…? I can only wish for such a comfort. I don’t understand why I’ve been stuck in this darkness for so long despite all the things I’ve done to try and ‘fix’ it, but I’m still here and these days, I honestly wish I’d never made the promise to be here for those who need me. I’m sorry for this long ramble, I just took some time to read your posts and they reminded me of my own fight 8 or 9 years ago. I can’t pray but I do wish with all my heart that you never have to spend time in this darkness again, no one ever deserves to have to take up this fight. if I could take it upon myself to prevent others suffering I would.
again I’m sorry. Take care.

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